Thursday, March 31, 2011

I Got A Man

Ladies, I am so on board with the idea of having a man, a companion, a soul mate, a rock, and a ying to my yang. I am currently single and wish to be connected to my Mr. Right. Understand, my Mr. Right, for me only.

I really believe the ambiguity of the roles that men and women have in relationships have been altered so much that there is uncertainty and confusion about what is to be expected from each other and has led to the demise and downward spiral of the black man and black woman's relationship. The waters are murky and we, women, have definitely brought into the media hype of more of us than them.

With that said, it is disheartening as a woman, that we have lowered our standards to the point of obscurity. We expect little to nothing from our men in fear that it will chase them away. We have allowed our men to disrespect us over and over again. I, too, have given into lowering my standards at times thinking if I submit to not having any expectations of wanting a serious committing relationship, he will see my heart and good qualities and will change his mind, NOT. The typical man will continue to get it in and not commit because there are no expectations and the bigger picture is he doesn't want me. He doesn't want me for that special role and title of His Woman.

There is this new phenomenon that is absolutely amazing to me and that is the growing number of men moving in with women. I'm not talking about men leaving their own house or apartment to consolidate and move in with the woman but men who have obviously moved from their other woman's house, their mother's place or their boy's place to move in with you. You are still handling the bills and mortgage and his input, again, is minimum because you don't want to stress him, pressure him or place any expectations that are required of a Real Man. Now, I can hear the overwhelming voices of men saying "help a brother when he's down". My response is, I do believe in standing by your man when he is faced with hardship. How many men would allow you to move in with him while you are getting yourself together? I'm not talking about brothers that have fallen on hard times but has a proven track record of handing his business. This is applicable to the man who will always jump from woman to woman with their own place. Women you know who you are.

I have a friend that met a man and he moved in with her and her kids. Since that initial move, they have moved two other times at her expense. He has never had the responsibility of paying the mortgage or taking care of her and the household. Now finances does not always afford a man to be the sole or the primary provider. But when you have the unmitigated gall to quit your job and refuse to work because it's not what you want, I don't blame him, I blame the woman. I am looking at you women for allowing this substandard behavior and treatment. He doesn't take you anywhere, you have supported him several times while he enrolled into different schools to learn a new trade, you allowed the disrespect of his children, you endured the other woman coming to your house to inform you that she is looking for HER man and he leaves your house to chase her to explain to her, you allow him back into your home with the empty and void promises that he has changed. But I Got A Man.

Or let's take another sad but true story. Your man has been battling drug addiction for years. During his battle with drugs, he has lured you into his odyssey of insanity. He talks you into deviate sex with a young drug dealer while he watched and received free drugs. After his high, he accuses you of being a whore and wanting it. The manipulation is constant. He uses the Bible to recite verses to condemn you and degrade you about your role as a wife. While he parades his many women in your face. In your moment to defend him, you tell me you love the man not the behavior. What kind of Bull Shit is this. The behavior makes the man and do you only take the "good" qualities and dismiss the deviate, manipulative, cowardly attributes and disown them. He has not consistently paid child support for the past 2 years. But I Got A Man.

You see my sisters, it's not the men, it's our lack of self respect, low self esteem, it's our void of knowing our self worth, it's the need to be wanted void of true emotions and commitment from our choice of men and ultimately it's that emptiness in us that we have allowed to be filled with falsehood, broken promises, disrespect, unaccountability, manipulation and abuse. I, too, desire to be touched, loved, caressed, held and worshiped as the true Queen that I am but I am not willing to just have a man.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

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