Thursday, September 1, 2011

"The Difference Between the Almost Rght Word and the Right Word is Really a Large Matter-It's the Difference Between the Lightning Bug & the Lightning

Do You Have a 2 a.m. Friend

Who is your 2 a.m. friend? Who can you call on at 2 a.m. to talk with, to laugh with, to cry with, and to share a personal secret with. That friend that you turn to when there are peaks and valleys. That sister friend that will give you her last, unconditionally, with no expectations of getting it back. If she has, you will have.

Well, I have a few 2 a.m. friends. A recent event happened in my life and thank you God my 2 a.m. friends were in abundance. I consider myself a strong and powerful force. There are times that even the strong will stumble and fall. It was the uplifting words and the strong shoulders that were provided to me that pulled me through. It was their constant reminder that God did not allow me to get this far to have me to fail. It was those moments of sheer frustration and despair that it was easier to laugh then to cry and then there were those moments that all I could do was cry. But through it all, it was that angelic voice at the other end of that phone or the gentle touch of a hand rubbing my hand that eased my soul and spirit. It was that offer of an early evening dinner and then a movie that allowed me to remove myself and to escape the upheaval that was swirling around me.

During this moment in my life, my 2 a.m. friends showed up and showed out. I believe that when you surround yourself with Godly people you will be blessed with 2 a.m. friends. I thank them for their prayers, their humor, their words of wisdom and their love for me.

Are you a 2 a.m. friend? Are you a beacon of light during the storm. Most importantly, can you be reached at 2 a.m. to be that friend? Who is your 2 a.m. friend.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

2 a.m. Friend~ A Theological Spin!

Greetings Ladies, if the face of one sister-friend quickly comes into the heart of your mind or if you can rapidly recall the name of at least one sister-friend in response to our sister's question: "Who is your 2 a.m. friend?", then consider yourself abundantly blessed! Lord knows: A true friend, let alone a 2 a.m. friend is a precious and rare treasure these days, especially in such a self-centered and self-serving society, as the world in which we live.

dConversely, if the heart of your mind couldn't quickly find the face of at least one sister-friend or if you couldn't rapidly recall the name of at least one sister-friend, consider yourself still abundantly blessed! Because, just as it is vital to one's mental, emotional, relational and spiritual development to have a 2 a.m. friend, it is equally important to be~a 2 a.m. friend! After all, true friendship loves best in both directions-giving first, then receiving second!

For the scriptures lets us know: "A (wo)/ man who has friends must (her)/himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother/(sister)." Proverbs 18:24 NKJV In light of this verse of scripture, while I can attest to the fact that I am also among the abundantly blessed that a few faces do quickly come into the heart of mind and I can rapidly recall a few names. However, I can honestly admit there have been times, when I've both unintentionally disappointed one of my sister-friends by my own unavailability and I also was disappointed by theirs.

Even in our best efforts, as much as we all may want to have or be that 2 a.m. friend, there will be times, when we will come up short! Things happen and we are all prone to our own human inadequacies! When times occur, when we our 2 a.m. friend of support does come up short, it's best to already know and have a living and thriving relationship with Him, Who is not only a 2 a.m. friend, but also says and proves through His Word that He is: "I AM Who I AM."Exodus 3:14NKJV Our Almighty God, has the awesome ability "to be" in the present moment, minute, second or milli-second of our lives and through any context, condition, circumstance or situation that may confront us, whatever we may need Him to be.

God, Who is Eternal and the Lord of all Eternity holds all of our times in His hands; and therefore, He is qualified and certified to be our~ 2 a.m. friend! Since He never slumbers or sleeps, our calls, cries, concerns, petitions and pleads will always reach Him, because He's always available answers always on time! Besides, He is an excellent example of how to be a 2 a.m. friend! Just like crazy glue, God will closely stick with you and hold you tightly together through any kind of life-storm, especially when you feel like falling apart or your world may be temporarily torn into pieces!

In parting, it is my heartfelt prayer that if you don't have a 2 a.m. friend or even if you do, you will truly grow to know Him, the True and Timeless ~2 a.m. friend, Whose unconditional love sticks closer than any brother or sister!

In the Tenderness of His Love, Rev. April M. E.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Inconvenience of the Truth

Using the phrase "the inconvenience of the truth" drives home the point that honesty, integrity and decency are attributes of the past. The intentional act of betrayal, lies, deception, forgery, and misrepresentation are more prevalent and obtuse than ever before. Men this is not a dis on you but the convenience of the truth.

It is quite sad and disheartening that as very grown people, we have not evolved as kings and queens. The kings and queens that is inherently our true destiny. We constantly allow society to dictate how we should interact with one another. The art and mastery of foolery and bullshit have been taken to a new height with the savviness of modern technology. Why is it more convenient to constantly engage in the untruth, to deceive, to knowingly hurt and then walk away like a hit and run driver. The damage is so massive and sometimes irreversible. Your arrogance to blame the victim by saying she knew the truth and then deflecting the blame and devastation onto your victim.

Men do your hearts not weigh heavy from the devastation and the carnage that you leave rotting and decaying by the road side. The cold black necrotic desolent souls that were once vibrant, colorful, loving, are now termed Bitches for women. We now function as Bitches from the mistreatment, the abandonment of love, the insensitivity of our feelings, the misuse of our pussies that are used over and over again with no regards to the fact that this same warm moist cervix of pleasure is used to bring forth life. How does the truth become such an inconvenience?

The inconvenience of the truth is no longer an acceptable behavior that will be tolerated by me from you. I will no longer, knowingly, allow the the inconvenience of the truth to be the basis and foundation of my relationship.

Queens, don't allow the inconvenience of the truth taint your souls. Regain your vibrancy, your love, your zest and your innate nurturing and loving attributes that God hand picked for us.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa
I Got A Man

Ladies, I am so on board with the idea of having a man, a companion, a soul mate, a rock, and a ying to my yang. I am currently single and wish to be connected to my Mr. Right. Understand, my Mr. Right, for me only.

I really believe the ambiguity of the roles that men and women have in relationships have been altered so much that there is uncertainty and confusion about what is to be expected from each other and has led to the demise and downward spiral of the black man and black woman's relationship. The waters are murky and we, women, have definitely brought into the media hype of more of us than them.

With that said, it is disheartening as a woman, that we have lowered our standards to the point of obscurity. We expect little to nothing from our men in fear that it will chase them away. We have allowed our men to disrespect us over and over again. I, too, have given into lowering my standards at times thinking if I submit to not having any expectations of wanting a serious committing relationship, he will see my heart and good qualities and will change his mind, NOT. The typical man will continue to get it in and not commit because there are no expectations and the bigger picture is he doesn't want me. He doesn't want me for that special role and title of His Woman.

There is this new phenomenon that is absolutely amazing to me and that is the growing number of men moving in with women. I'm not talking about men leaving their own house or apartment to consolidate and move in with the woman but men who have obviously moved from their other woman's house, their mother's place or their boy's place to move in with you. You are still handling the bills and mortgage and his input, again, is minimum because you don't want to stress him, pressure him or place any expectations that are required of a Real Man. Now, I can hear the overwhelming voices of men saying "help a brother when he's down". My response is, I do believe in standing by your man when he is faced with hardship. How many men would allow you to move in with him while you are getting yourself together? I'm not talking about brothers that have fallen on hard times but has a proven track record of handing his business. This is applicable to the man who will always jump from woman to woman with their own place. Women you know who you are.

I have a friend that met a man and he moved in with her and her kids. Since that initial move, they have moved two other times at her expense. He has never had the responsibility of paying the mortgage or taking care of her and the household. Now finances does not always afford a man to be the sole or the primary provider. But when you have the unmitigated gall to quit your job and refuse to work because it's not what you want, I don't blame him, I blame the woman. I am looking at you women for allowing this substandard behavior and treatment. He doesn't take you anywhere, you have supported him several times while he enrolled into different schools to learn a new trade, you allowed the disrespect of his children, you endured the other woman coming to your house to inform you that she is looking for HER man and he leaves your house to chase her to explain to her, you allow him back into your home with the empty and void promises that he has changed. But I Got A Man.

Or let's take another sad but true story. Your man has been battling drug addiction for years. During his battle with drugs, he has lured you into his odyssey of insanity. He talks you into deviate sex with a young drug dealer while he watched and received free drugs. After his high, he accuses you of being a whore and wanting it. The manipulation is constant. He uses the Bible to recite verses to condemn you and degrade you about your role as a wife. While he parades his many women in your face. In your moment to defend him, you tell me you love the man not the behavior. What kind of Bull Shit is this. The behavior makes the man and do you only take the "good" qualities and dismiss the deviate, manipulative, cowardly attributes and disown them. He has not consistently paid child support for the past 2 years. But I Got A Man.

You see my sisters, it's not the men, it's our lack of self respect, low self esteem, it's our void of knowing our self worth, it's the need to be wanted void of true emotions and commitment from our choice of men and ultimately it's that emptiness in us that we have allowed to be filled with falsehood, broken promises, disrespect, unaccountability, manipulation and abuse. I, too, desire to be touched, loved, caressed, held and worshiped as the true Queen that I am but I am not willing to just have a man.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Current Economic Climate....How Has It Affected Our Black Community...Or Is It Status Quo For Most Of Us...We Embrace Hardship on A Daily Basis...Can We Ride It Out?

Wow...Foreclosure, bankruptcy, default, bad credit and the list goes on and on. Come on my brothas and sistahs. There is a reason Martin Luther King said "We Shall Overcome". We have in our DNA this innate, natural, organic, Blessed by God, chromosome to rise up after adversity. We are the original Phoenix that will eventually soar above it all. History has proven this time and time again.

We are use to not having things handed to us, so while the rest of the world spirals down out of control (lack of finances, the sources to secure employment and lack of credit), they are out of sorts and ready to commit suicide or their world plummets into manic depression followed by massive use of drugs and sedatives.

Now, I don't want to mislead anyone to believe that the current economic climate isn't hurting me and my friends, but it's all about how you handle and overcome adversity.

How has this economy impacted you and how do you overcome.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

Monday, March 7, 2011

"Keep Focused on the Substantiative Issues. To Make a Decision Means Having to go Through One Door and Closing All Others.""...Abraham Zalenznik

As Black People, Are We Still Pro-Obama...Are We Still Enthralled With This Man Of Charisma and Grace That Led This Country To Elect Our First Black President...Or Are You Disenchanted With Obama and His Policies and Why....What Expectations Did You Have and Were They Met?

Good morning my queens and kings. As we so quickly approach another Presidential Election (2012), we are faced with the daunting task, might I say responsibility, of choosing the best capable person, Commander in Chief, to lead our country.

As I ponder and marvel over the accomplishments of President Obama, I must also, in fairness, recount some of the promises that were proposed by President Obama that have not come into fruition. I do not believe that the President was blowing smoke and feeding us pie in the sky fairy tales for us to buy into. In fact, the impact and magnitude of fulfilling these promises, to me, have proven to be larger and more challenging than he could have initially imagined.

With the recent shift of Republicans vs. Democrats in Congress, there is very little chance of bipartisanship to support President Obama. Greater than partisanship, there is the unspoken truth, the big yellow elephant in the center of the room that won't go away, Racism. Unfortunately, there is a under current to stall and sabotage anything the President is trying to pass even at the expense and demise of the constituents who voted for these men and women to to come together under one accord to help improve this very unstable economic climate.

What are your thoughts? Do we continue to support President Obama because he is a black man, a man of color, or does your allegiance for this man go much deeper than the color of his skin. Do you stand firmly beside him in his views on domestic and foreign policies and his plans to bring our economy from record lows. Have you grown tired of the rhetoric and is eagerly awaiting to start anew. Here is your opportunity to express your views.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

Sunday, December 5, 2010

What Is Wisdom?...I Have Often Wondered, And I Am Not Sure. Understanding Of Life And Men (Women), I Presume.....Louis L'Amour


In the world we live in today, it is a humbling awakening when you can reunite with someone 30 years later and the conversation, the love, the genuineness of who you and who they are allows you to pick up like it was only yesterday.

Last night was a true testament of sisterhood. In those 30 years, life has taken each one of us down different paths. We all have experienced and witnessed happiness, tragedy, joy, disappointment that have touched us, individually, different than the other but through it all, we are sistahs.

My heart rejoices today in the spirit of knowing that God's hands orchestrated this moment of happiness. Girls you showed up and showed out, just the way I like it. AB, girl, you STILL have the grace and refinement that only you can display (all real). Traci, girl, you are the person I would love to live vicariously through to live out that artistic free spirit that is buried inside of me screaming to be set free. Girl you carry IT with such class and richness. Do you boo, never duplicated always authenticated.

What was even more special for me was allowing my daughters to witness, first hand, what and how true friendship/sisterhood really is. Knowing my daughters, their moments of silence was just a muse. Their minds were processing and storing the knowledge of "Oh this is how we do it". This was one of life's invaluable lessons and I am so glad that they were the students and you two women were the instructors. Thank you again for a life lesson that I can never put a price tag on. A lesson called Life.

There are moments in life I reflect on now, with 47 years of wisdom, and I know exactly what I would have done differently. There are some moments in the life that I reflect on with pride, admiration, and conviction. But with it all, I thank God for allowing me to be me, a woman of God. I thank Him for my spirit of maturity, my spirit of friendship, my spirit of sisterhood, my spirit of self.

Thank you again, Traci and AB. This was only one of many more moments in this thing called Life.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

Monday, November 15, 2010

"Conscience is the Inner Voice Which Warns us"


As a young woman embarking college, I was scheduled to attend Morgan State University, a HBCU. At the time, my mother suffered a hemorrhagic CVA. I attended orientation, but I did not return for fall classes. I truly regret not having that experience. I make mention of this minor diversion to transition into my current position as a RN for one of our prominent HBCU.

As a nurse in the health service department, I see and hear a lot of what the younger adults are experiencing. One particular day, I had a male student to come into the exam room to request a STD screening. I paused and looked at him with my motherly stern glare that was filled with the same love and support that I have for my two sons. When I looked over to him to make eye contact there was something so profoundly different about his demeanor compared to the countless others that parade in and out of health services requesting STD screenings. His lowered head, his soft spoken words and most memorable, in my mind, was the heaviness of his shoulders were the things that stood out in my memory of him. I immediately changed my approach and my voice became softer and more soothing. I told him we only screen for gonorrhea and chlamydia. I questioned if he had unprotected sex and if he received confirmation from his partner that he may have been exposed to a STD. He responded yes to both questions, but it was not one of the two STD's that I had mentioned. He needed to be screened for HIV. His partner phoned him the previous night to tell him, she tested positive for HIV. She tested positive for the initial mouth swab and had to return for the blood draw to confirm the swab. I immediately felt weak in my knees because this was the first time as a nurse, as a mother, as a black woman, as a human, that I had to prepare one of my children for a life altering oddyssey and regardless of the results this was truly a moment in his life that would alter every facet of his being. This was the fork in the road and it required some hard choices.

I gathered the information and resources on campus that he needed to contact to screen for the HIV test, as well as, counseling that would be needed. After I gave him the information, I asked if we could pray together and I prayed with him and I asked his permission to hug him. We hugged for a few seconds but I didn't want to let him go. While we held hands during prayer and hugged, I felt those heavy shoulders release some of its heaviness unto me. The need for him to be vulnerable was palpable. He could no longer hold in those tears or stop his shoulders from moving up and down from the heaviness of it all. At that moment, I too started crying because the innocence of his youth had been tarnish and compromised. From this point on, he must be accountable for his actions and the impact of these actions to others, the heaviness of it all. We both took a moment to gather ourselves before we opened the doors to the exam room into the main waiting room. As my son departed, I called out his name and he turned to me and I said I am here for you, come back if you need to talk. He struggled to fight back the tears and in his weak soft voice he said "I will". The heaviness of it all.

I have tried to reach out and contact this young man, but I have not been able to contact him. My life has been effected by this chance encounter. The humbleness of this young man during this life sobering news was life altering.

Update, I started writing the particular blog a few weeks ago. I just could not find the right ending to this story. My brave young man reappeared. His stature and demeanor was no longer of a boy but a man. We hugged the moment he entered the exam room. I gave me the great news that his initial test is negative. He does have to retest in 6 months but I have no doubt the results will remain the same. Unfortunately, his girlfriend's blood test was positive. We talked and I could hear the maturity in his voice. I reminded him that as a man, it was imperative that he employs his God given sense of discernment. He mentioned that he keeps in touch with the young lady and he is there to support her during this transition.

I felt relief and sadness after seeing this young man again. I truly believe that his life will yield greatness for him. Not every story ends with this ending. I have a dear friend whose daughter died in February of complications from AIDS. The Heaviness of it all was shared with a father who cared and loved her to the end. I know for him, he never thought once about his only role and responsibility to care and love for his daughter. It was never heavy or any doubt about how he would be there for her.

I only hope that this blog touches someone and resonants in their heart to allow this to be a turning point.

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa

Saturday, November 13, 2010

"How Well We Communicate Is Determined Not By How Well We Say Things But How Well We Are Understood...Andrew S. Grove


"Superwoman". How many women do we know that have earned and are deserving of this title, "Superwoman". I attended a Domestic Violence Awareness Breakfast recently and the video "Superwoman" by Alicia Keyes was playing. After watching the video, I started thinking about the impact this massive enormous title has and the implications that are attached to it.

I was raised by a "Superwoman". At times, when I am drowning in my pool of self pity, I often reflect back to those days of growing up. I marvel and wonder how the hell did she keep food on the table, pay tuition for me to attend a private school, afford clothing and all the other necessities and luxuries that I so often took for granted (a trip to Europe). I know dozens of women that are honorably and equally deserving of that title, "Superwoman". After hearing it said, I started to question why are so many of our women deserving of this title. Why are there so many women placed in the position to be named Superwoman. The connotation of this title has a double fold. In my mind, I envision someone that is relentless by a fault, honorable, her character is beyond reproach and she has unquestionable perseverance. The other side of this are the women who embody the endless struggles that are heaped and burdened upon them. I resent that I have to go out and make the bacon, bring home the bacon, fry it up on in a pan, and serve it up on the plate.

I want so desperately to shed this cold metal armour of courageousness, of invincibility, and steadfastness. I want to be what God has created me to be, a Woman. I want to assume my role and position as a nurturer, a mother, a wife, a caregiver, a sister, a granddaughter, a friend, a lover, an inspiration, an unshakable and unmovable fixture in the lives of all that I love, cherish and hold dear and close to my heart. I want to be vulnerable, sensitive to your needs, compassionate, empathic, and sympathetic. Allow me to assist you in your journey called Life, for I am made of a rib from your side. I am the vessel that has brought forth the miracle of life.

Today, I take back my position and my God given role as a Woman. Women join me with the conviction and determination to regain our true identities. I am Woman made of Man hear my cry.

Peace and Blessings

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

"Vision Is A Startling Moment Of Clarity...The Ability To Reduce The Complicated To The Simple."

Window Seat

Sitting here feeling outta sorts. Here I go again. Damn, I can't keep this shit up. The lyrics to Eryrah Badu's Window Seat is drowning my cerebellum. Brothas just sit back and listen. After listening to the lyrics of Window Seat "It" became so painfully clear to me that I have been let down and disappointed by another one of my Black Kings.

After the hurt and pain, I need to remove myself and purchase a ticket out of town to "Anywhere" with a window seat. A window seat to see my past, my present, and my future. The pain is too excruciating to have someone to sit next to me and share this pain. I bore your children, I bare the humiliation of your infidelity (you cheating ass motha fucker), I work two jobs to ensure financial stability for our family, I stand in defiance at the mere thought that you have been disrespected or wronged, I rejoice in your triumphant moments, I cry with you (my tears flow longer and harder and my shoulders hang lower than yours from the weight of your disappointments), I search the classifieds to help in your mission to secure employment, I endure the absence of your touch, your strength, your smile, your smell, your manhood, your dick, your caress, and your outspokenness. I miss you.

Baby, once I reach my destination, I need you to miss me, I need you to come looking for me, I need your attention, I need your approval, I need your affection, but most of all, I need you to say "come back to me". See brothas our primal needs are so very basic. I NEED you to NEED me. Please need me. I recognize and realize that I need you but, the void is your unwillingness or inability to need me.

I come humble and submissive to you. Are my needs too much for you to fulfil? Can we travel down this road together and share this window seat?

Peace and Blessings,

Tracey ReNissa